It's that ugly word that no one likes to hear.
It's a word that has been used a lot in my house lately.
The story of why is not important but the story of how is.
How did we get here? Almost 3 years together and not married even 6 months? How in the world did we get here?
I know my part.
Not asking for help when I am overwhelmed. Snapping at Josh if he doesn't do something how I would have done it. Not appreciating the things he does do rather than point out everything he doesn't. Looking at his faults and failures and not the things he has done.
Ick. I make myself sick looking at all of that. How can I expect things to work when I am being Bossy McBossy Pants?
I need to take a step back from my relationships that are thriving and think about what I am doing to grow those. I can tell you that I am destroying the one I have with Josh. It's awful, terrible and needs to stop.
That's what I am doing this coming year. I don't have a goal, a resolution an idea. I am making a commitment to DOING this. Action speaks louder than words and now is the time. I feel like I can only come up with bad experiences and times I have had with Josh when I know there are LOTS of good. So this year I am starting it by making a "Goodness Jar". Every time there is an accomplishment or highpoint of this year we will write it down and put it in that jar. Every time I think this is the "last straw" I'll take a look at that jar and realize there is lots of reasons that my anger needs to take a backseat because getting a divorce over Josh putting a non matching pair of socks on Dexter is just plain stupid. And yes. I have lost my mind about this before.
What are you doing to build and strengthen your relationships this year?
We call that a memory jar - and at the end of the year it is awesome to go back through it and enjoy your memories all over again.
ReplyDeleteAs for the D word - we've been married for almost 7 years and boy,that word has been tossed around!! Marriage is such hard work, but you seem aware of what is going on and I think that is great! If you stick with it and try your best, things are bound to work out. I wish you the best in 2013!
~Lacey
I totally understand! My husband & my first year of marriage was rough. I thought he was doing it all wrong and it was all his fault. But honestly, the change came when I took a step back and looked at myself & what I was doing to hurt the relationship. Once I started to try to make a change it was ALL THE DIFFERENCE in our marriage. Now, 5 years later, I couldn't be happier. I love my husband more than words, we have a good, healthy relationship, & we're happy. Not perfect - by any means, but we're still here & thriving. So hang in there. You can't change him, but you can work on yourself & when you do he will change too. It's a win-win! And when get through most of the rough spots - it's soooo worth it! Hang in there & just keep trying, that's all you can do!
ReplyDeleteI love this idea of the goodness jar, Brin!! Very excited for your upcoming year to try new things. In terms of relationships, next year I want to completely wipe out the toxic relationships I have that make me go crazy and stress out and doubt myself. Totally not healthy especially when it's not my problem they're a bad friend. So saying good-bye to toxic relationships and hello to new, loving relationships!
ReplyDeleteSarah
lovesarahk.com
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through some tough times in your relationship. A close friend of mine has just decided to move forward with a divorce after just a year and a half of being married, and this all started after only 6 months of marriage as well. I wish all the best to you, and I am happy to hear that you have a plan to strengthen your relationship! The best relationships do take work and hopefully you will come through this! xo
ReplyDeleteI think by acknowledging there is a problem and making a choice to work on your marriage and not give up is a amazing step in the right direction. Praying that things get better.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that. You're not alone. We, too, have tossed that word around and we've only been married for almost 4 years. Marriage ain't easy--that I knew going in. I just didn't know what "work" meant in a relationship. It sounds like you have an action plan. I'll tell you what worked for us. Cut out whatever is causing problems in your marriage (it's easier if it is a third party). Other than that, I think you have the right idea. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOh Brin!!!
ReplyDeleteI hate hearing this. Relationships are hard work. Just think back to how you were when y'all were dating!
Praying things get better between you two!
Hey Brin, I'm so sorry that you are your husband are struggling. Marriage is hard work, and I am with you that my first year was really hard. But 4 years & one baby later, it's been really worth it to work through things. I'll be praying for you guys. Don't be afraid to seek wise counsel from a pastor or counselor, it would be well worth it.
ReplyDeleteSad to hear you are having trouble with your marriage. Sometimes I think people throw the divorce word around likes it's nothing. Marriage is a huge commitment and lots of work but just remember why you did it in the first place because two people fell in love. :) Im glad to hear you are going to work hard to fix things. Sometimes divorce does happen and it's okay but it's all about making one another happy and working together. Don't beat yourself up! love T-dawg
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